Friday, July 29, 2011

Reasons I Should Not Kill My Kids

I'm not writing this for you, I'm writing this for me. Every once in awhile I need a reminder.

1. I would not fair well in prison and I really don't wanna be somebody's bitch. A bitch? Sure. But I don't like  the idea of ownership of bitches in prison.

2. No one looks good in the pictures on the front page of the paper.

3. I can't afford a good enough lawyer to go to a posh prison.

4. My mom would be PISSED.

5. Orange makes me look washed out.

6. I hate doing laundry for five, let's not even think about laundry for hundreds.

7. I don't know how to make license plates.

8. I get stage fright when it comes to peeing in front of others.

9. I absolutely refuse to take a shower in a room full of naked women.

10. No midnight snacks.

11. I think you only get one pillow. Who the hell can sleep with only one pillow?

12. I wouldn't have grandchildren, and I'm counting on revenge. It's the only thing that keeps me sane.

13. ...

Ok, well that's all I got. Apparently there are only 12 reasons not to murder my kids. That's not very compelling.

After thought- There is no alcohol in prison, none that I would put in my mouth anyway, but there are plenty of drugs so I'm not sure if that's a pro or a con. Further analysis is needed on this topic. I also think this topic needs a 'pro' list, I'll work on that.