Saturday, July 9, 2011

Teenage Love and a Maimed Baby

Today we're going to discuss a few things. First, my sister, who is almost 16, and her crazy love life. I wouldn't have to care about this except she calls me in tears commonly and that impacts my schedule. Second, my daughter and her new "friend", the dead butterfly. Third, the stupidly annoying emergence of "Mommy wars"- we're discussing that last because I just learned what the hell it even was, so I need time to prepare a statement.

So, my sister, who we're going to call Goddess of Teenage Boys... God bless her and I love her. That being said, let's get to the good stuff. For the last 5 months or so Goddess has been in this on again, off again relationship with a guy we're gonna call Too Stupid to Live. So everyone's following, we have Goddess and Stupid, right? They've broken up too many times to even count, but there is only time that I can really speak about, because I witnessed it. A few weeks ago my family was going to see Cars 2, and we took Goddess with us. She, being her, asked if we could also take Stupid. To set the scene, Stupid is currently living with his aunt an hour away from us because he beat the crap out of his step dad and his mother kicked him out... whatever you're thinking right now.. yes, exactly. I, being an idiot, said yes she could bring him, so I drive an hour out of my way to go get him and then I pay for him to see the movie with us. After the movie, I look over to see Goddess in tears. She walks up to me, takes the baby- a clever ruse on her part, leans in and tells me that Stupid just broke up with her. Stunned, I nodded and said that we'd take care of it later. Why did they break up? Apparently, she was texting a boy at the movie. She says she wasn't, but she couldn't prove it since he had broken her phone. Who the eff breaks up with their girlfriend at a movie with her family, that they paid for, when they're driving you home?!? This is how he got his name, Too Stupid to Live. With every ounce of my being I wanted to tell him to use his phone to call a new ride home, but I didn't, because at this point I'm still half attempting to be a decent human being. Fast forward to the ride home, Goddess and Stupid are in the backseat with the kids, she's crying, he's yelling and swearing, she's hitting him. This is waaay inappropriate in front of toddlers, yes? So, I spoke up and put an end to it. I gave both of them what I thought was a very nice talk about jealousy and trust and behaving yourselves in my van with my children. Goddess chose to spend that weekend at our house and I was all too happy to oblige. By chose, I mean that I might have guilted her into it with my superior Jewish/ Catholic mother skills. I'm not Jewish or Catholic, but I do possess some mad skills. She was here for about 48 hours when she started crying and showed me a text that she had gotten from Stupid. It was the most disgusting, unwelcome, slanderous thing I had ever seen- I can't even tell you about it because I'd have to change my blog to one with an adult content warning. It spoke of body parts and whatnot though- make up your own, your imagination will never touch what Stupid had the nerve to send to my baby sister. After learning that this had been going on for the entire 48 hours she was at my house, I texted him back, said I was her sister and if he texted her again I would call the cops- this is harassment. Did I stop there? Absolutely not! I called that little prick's mother and told her what had happened and asked if perhaps she would be willing to speak to her son. She agreed whole-heartedly and we never heard from him again. At least that's what I thought until today. Apparently, Goddess and Stupid are back together. Why? I asked that very same question. Apparently he apologized and visited her last week after she got her wisdom teeth removed. Yep, that's all it takes.
"Sorry, babe, let me get you some ice."
"Oh my God, I can actually feel myself forgetting that you're a jealous, verbally abusive jack ass! This must be meant to be. You make me so happy with your petty words and your frozen water!"
Ugh!! I'm sorry, but this is not love. This may be obsession, addiction, or fear of being alone, but it is NOT love. And quite frankly, I don't understand her fear of being alone. My baby sister, who is almost 16, is close to 6' tall, with long blonde hair, and she has somehow managed to be thin and curvy at the same time. The best part about her? Besides personality and being freaking hilarious, she has no clue that she's hot. She's not stuck up, she's very humble, and she laughs at herself with the best of them. This girl will NEVER be alone, not even if she wanted to be. In fact, the night they broke up, which was announced on Facebook, as it should be, she had four boys texting her and asking her out. Yes, four...four!! But she chooses to be with Stupid, because she looooves him. Or whatever. Her love life assures me that I'll always be married- I would put up with any amount of crap from my hubby, just so long as I  never had to date again.

Now, my daughter and her dead butterfly. I had to write about this one because when I write I have my back to the room, quite handy for hiding laughter. My daughter is very nurturing. We're talking about my eldest here, not the other one, my youngest  is... something else entirely. My eldest is just running through life trying to mother everything she can find, or smother I suppose would be more accurate. Today we had this moth on our curtain and I was going to take it outside. She cried and cried and asked me if she could have it, and I let her. As I handed it to her she almost dropped it so she quick cupped her hand over it and smashed it. Now she's mothering a dead moth. A short time later I hear her arguing with her brother in the playroom and then the floodgates of hell opened and she got so angry it sounded like she was screaming in tongues. I walk out there to find her huddled in the corner holding a playing card, gasping for air with tears streaming down her cheeks. Her brother, at this point, is dancing around like a maniac. After several minutes of deep breathing and conversation I learned that her brother had ripped a wing off of Lena, which is apparently the name of the "butterfly". May I remind you that this is a dead moth. Wings or no wings, it doesn't care and it makes absolutely no difference to its ability to move. She now demands that I punish her brother. Well, I didn't, and I'll tell you why. I have no clue what the punishment is for ripping wings off of dead pests. I had never thought of a suitable punishment for that, and I don't think I ever will. Of course, to my daughter, he has just maimed her baby and he needs to be punished, and I can't say that I disagree, but what am I supposed to do? So that moment passes and we move into lunch time. The girl is is trying to find a spot to put the moth with its card. She keeps trying to put it on the table, but it seems like all those places are too close to her brother, so finally she asks him, "Do you want to rip the other wing off my butterfly?" He says, "YES!" (I think he thought she was offering it to him.) She shrieks and moves the moth. He quickly changed his mind, but she wasn't going to fall for it. The moth ended up on my kitchen counter, as far off to the side as I could talk her into putting it, and I had to assure her repeatedly that I would watch the precious thing for fear that some other dreadful fate would befall it.Yes, it is possible to be too nurturing, in case you were wondering. Moving on..

Lately it has come to my attention that Mommy wars are the new norm.  Apparently there are mothers out there who disagree with another mother's way of doing things so intensely that they feel the need to assault that mother, either verbally or even physically. Come on, moms! Seriously?!? You're so concerned about someone else's children that you're going to set the example to your own that it is ok to throw a tantrum and even hit? This is ridiculous! Where is it stated in the rule book that we have to agree with each other all the time? I must have missed that chapter. I did, however, manage to find the chapter on setting good examples. I don't know about you, but my hope is that my children will have many tools for conflict resolution and none of those tools would be violent. If you don't agree with someone, don't have play dates with them, or have a conversation with your kids about your family values. "No, in our family we don't do that, but every family is different." Feel free to provide your children with reasons why you feel that mothers decisions are invalid, but for God's sake, don't assault the woman! Any parent knows that being a parent is hard, and I don't think that any of us truly believe that we make the right choice every single time. Let's get biblical. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Who am I to judge someone else? Is my parenting so above reproach that I can physically force my will on another parent? Absolutely not, and quite frankly, if we're being honest, I don't think any of yours is either. I'm not saying you're bad parents, and neither am I, just imperfect. It's perfectly ok to be imperfect, it's the way we're made. Show me a perfect person and I'll show you a liar and his/her friend, the simpleton.

Please share your input in the comments section. I would love to hear what you'd like me to address next. By the way, what is the correct way to punish someone who rips the wings off of dead moths/ maims pretend babies? Help a girl out!

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