Friday, July 22, 2011


Why are my kids so damn helpless??? This pisses me off to no freakin end! What the fuck?! Do you seriously, at the age of 5, need me to talk you through how to use the bathroom?! Here's how this goes every single time-

Her- "OK, I peed, momma."
Me, from the other room- "Ok...did you wipe?"
Her- "No."
Me- "Well, don't you think you should do that?"
This is followed by a few moments of silence, and then..
Her- "Momma?"
Me- "What?"
Her- "I peed."
Me- "Yeah, I know. Did you wipe yet?"
Her- "No."
This is followed by silence as I dialogue in my head- Stupid m-fing... idiot... ape child.. on and so forth
Me- "Then WIPE!!"
Her- "Ok... I wiped."
Me- "Stand up, put your clothes on, flush, and wash your hands!"
Her- "Ok."
Few moments of silence..

We have to go through this for every step, every single time this girl uses the bathroom. Then she's usually sent back into the bathroom because she didn't use soap to wash her hands. Keep in mind that she's been doing this on her own for 2 FREAKING YEARS!!! I swear to God that someday I'm going to snap and end up saying or doing something to this child that lands me in jail. I cannot understand why on earth her 4 year old brother and 2 year old sister can handle this without fail and she cannot, but it drives me up the friggin wall.

She is also the child who commonly pees on herself. Not when she's sleeping, no, when she's awake and playing. She tells me this is because she'd rather pee on herself than stop playing. Seriously?! Moron! I don't know what the hell to do with her anymore. Here again, her brother and sister have no problem staying dry throughout the day, and her sister started potty training on June 2nd. I don't even know how to explain this- my vocabulary does not cover the depth of idiocy that must be accomplished to make this child act this way. She will be 6 this year and ENJOYS peeing on herself. WHAT THE FUCK!!

On the upside, this is where it becomes handy to have adopted. See, she was 3 when she came to live with us and had not potty trained yet. We started working on that a month later. Not that 3 is late, but our other kids potty trained at 2 with huge success and perhaps the being ready portion of the program is a little genetic and she WAS ready at 2. There are all sorts of studies out there that say if you miss the time frame when your kid is ready for something big, like potty training, you can't get that time back and the end result of trying when it's "too late" will never be flawless. It's very handy for me to just blame this crap on the bio family. I have no idea if it's true or not, but how nice that my kids come with build in scapegoats because quite frankly if I had no one else to blame for her stupidity than her, she would be in a world of hurt. Momma ain't raisin' no dumb kids!!

Thanks for allowing me to vent at you instead of at her.

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