Sunday, August 21, 2011


Today on my Facebook page I posted this status-
"I enjoy watching men interact. It's fascinating. One will be talking and the other one jumps in with a bigger, better story, interrupting the first story. Then there's a few insults thrown in and they walk away feeling bonded. I don't get it. If that was my friend, I'd walk away with hurt feelings and thinking that they hadn't heard a word I said.
I believe I've discovered why men's relationships are more peaceful than women's. They're unaware that anyone else is involved in the friendship."

This prompted many comments from my women fans that were basically all slamming other women. You can't find one to trust, it's all drama, they hold grudges, they're too sensitive, so on and so forth.

I must admit that not long ago I felt the same way about women. I found it difficult to have relationships with them. I dreaded meeting someone's new girlfriend because I knew we wouldn't get along. So I know where this is coming from, but this also devastates a part of me.

I made a conscious decision about a year or two ago to go to every new 'meeting of the girlfriend' with a positive attitude and a feeling that we were going to get along, and an amazing thing happened. I have gotten along with every new woman I met. I haven't become super tight best friends with all of them, but at the very least I would have a pleasant evening and enjoy their company. Now there have been a few that I have become super tight with and I value these relationships above most others. I have finally found people who understand where I'm coming from, who tell me to take care of myself, who erase the guilt that comes with being a mom. I could not live without these relationships, without the support and understanding that is bred in these relationships. I think this change was due to my change in attitude. Women, or people in general, are not stupid. We know when you've already made up your mind to hate us. When you think we're untrustworthy, we're gonna be nothing be drama, etc, you carry that air when you meet us. You make us uncomfortable, which makes it very difficult for us to ourselves. In my case, I either become very quiet, or I become defensive, either of these are not conducive to making new friends. I know for a fact that changing my attitude was exactly what changed the quality of my relationships with other women.

The other thing that makes me so sad about this is the loss of support and love for other women. Even in this advanced society women are expected to take on the majority of the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing, and many are holding down full time jobs, or more. As a woman, I think we are charged with supporting each other in the daily struggle. I find that these ways of thinking make that almost impossible. I think any woman out there with kids and/or a job, maybe just a woman with a bitchy significant other, can understand the pressures we are facing. Why are we not taking time out of our lives to build each other up, instead of tearing each other down? How can you look at another woman and, instead of seeing a fellow soldier in the trenches, you see an untrustworthy, dramatic, bitch? How can you make that decision before you've even spoken to her? I will not deny that those women exist, bad people exist in any group you want to talk about, but I truly believe that horrible people are not the majority. If they are in your group of friends, it just might be time for another group of friends. I have learned that my awesome friends generally choose awesome girlfriends.

I am sorry for the women that are missing out on the great quality of friendships that I have been blessed with, and sorry for the women who are torn down by the very people who should be showing the most understanding and compassion. This is a sad thing indeed, for both sides of the story.

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