As you know, if you're on the Facebook page anyway, the Makeshift Mom and Dad will no longer be living together as of tomorrow, or this weekend depending on how the moving goes. I'm well aware that at first glance this post is going to look like some bitchy ex-wife had a field day, but truly I'm writing it for the reminders. To physically see all of the things that I will NOT miss because quite frankly I don't think there will ever be a day that I don't want to just lay down and die. I can't always see that I will have new, different opportunities to be happy. I don't know if I'll ever not want to cry. I can't imagine a day that doesn't hurt so bad that I don't see the point. I don't know if I'm going to be ok, and I'm not convinced that I can do this alone.. and no amount of friends are helping me not feel so completely and utterly alone. I don't remember what my face feels like when my eyes aren't burning with tears, my mouth isn't pinched, and I'm not chewing holes into my cheeks. I can't be sure when the last time was I held down food. To make that all a whole hell of a lot shorter- I'm freaking miserable and I want to curl up in a ball and never have to do anything again until I die. However, since that's not a real option and all, I'm going to remind myself of all the things that I will enjoy about my new life.
1. I will never have to sit through another Rush song! YES!!!
2. No more Adult Swim, baby!
3. I just might be able to have a blanket for one entire night. Provided the dog plays nicely of course.
4. No more tripping over huge clown shoes that get left in the middle of the floor.
5. There won't be potted meat anywhere near my kitchen ever again. Blech!
6. My laundry pile? Yeah, that'll be cut in half.
7. One less person to interrupt me every single time I open my mouth. Oh my God! Does this mean I could speak in whole sentences??
8. Who's gonna make fun of my reality show addiction? NOBODY!!
9. I will never be hit, kicked, elbowed, etc as I sleep.
10. Chances are I will never have to look in the freezer for electronics, towels, tools, or anything else non-foodlike.
11. Whatever kind of "music" MxPx sings will never be heard in this house again.
12. All of those little hairs that go everywhere when he shaves will be gone! It could be that I could go three whole days without having to clean the bathroom, and that my friends, is what we call a miracle.
To be sure, this is going to shake things up, but see?? There will be things that I will like!
Logically speaking, I know this is for the best. We wouldn't have decided on it if we didn't think so, but that emotional crap is throwing me for a loop. As long as I just deal with logistics, budgets, and lists I'm flying through with no issue whatsoever, but the other half of it.. not so much. It's a long road and I have complete faith that at the end of this journey I will be changed for the better, I just wish it didn't have to suck so bad to get started.
I am going to try to maintain my positivity, for the kids if nothing else, and we are playing well together and there is no screwing over of anyone. We're very good friends, in fact, we've been 'just friends' for a number of years now, and we can do this without causing any undue damage to each other or our family. So don't worry, there is no chance that I'm going to do something stupid, but give me a minute while I mull it over anyway.