I'm not writing this for you, I'm writing this for me. Every once in awhile I need a reminder.
1. I would not fair well in prison and I really don't wanna be somebody's bitch. A bitch? Sure. But I don't like the idea of ownership of bitches in prison.
2. No one looks good in the pictures on the front page of the paper.
3. I can't afford a good enough lawyer to go to a posh prison.
4. My mom would be PISSED.
5. Orange makes me look washed out.
6. I hate doing laundry for five, let's not even think about laundry for hundreds.
7. I don't know how to make license plates.
8. I get stage fright when it comes to peeing in front of others.
9. I absolutely refuse to take a shower in a room full of naked women.
10. No midnight snacks.
11. I think you only get one pillow. Who the hell can sleep with only one pillow?
12. I wouldn't have grandchildren, and I'm counting on revenge. It's the only thing that keeps me sane.
13. ...
Ok, well that's all I got. Apparently there are only 12 reasons not to murder my kids. That's not very compelling.
After thought- There is no alcohol in prison, none that I would put in my mouth anyway, but there are plenty of drugs so I'm not sure if that's a pro or a con. Further analysis is needed on this topic. I also think this topic needs a 'pro' list, I'll work on that.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Disillusioned Goals
When I was a kid we lived down the road from a family who sent their kids to an academy. I remember watching them come home in their fancy uniforms and shoes, carrying their laptops and cellos, and I would sit there and stare longingly. I wanted to be an "academy kid" more than anything I had ever wanted in my entire life. I remember begging my mom, to no avail, although she did let me go there for one day to check it out and see what I thought. I loved it, as I expected, but when I told her that it still didn't change her mind. My yearning to be an academy kid lasted until I graduated from a regular plain old boring public high school and I have never forgotten my insane desire to be one of them. I don't know if it was because I wanted to stand out, maybe it was a status thing, or an attention thing, I'm not sure what I found so irresistible about it, but I needed it, I dreamed about it... it was a sickness.
As I got older and became a mom I sort of pushed that aside, after all there are bigger fish to fry than a stupid childhood fantasy, right? My children attended, or are attending as the case may be, a regular public preschool with no uniforms or fancy classes. Their mainstream education has been a blessing to us and I have watched them grow and change in ways over the years that have literally taken my breath away at some points. We have been lucky to get some amazing teachers who I can't say enough wonderful things about. Especially Miss Valeri, I'd move her in if I could and I'm more excited than words can say to have the baby in her class next fall. She did miraculous things with my son and my youngest is desperately in need of some Miss Val treatment.
However, when my oldest graduated preschool and we started looking into kindergarten I was hit in the face with memories of my "academy kid" dream. We started her in a public kindergarten program because we assumed we could never afford a private school and then we ended up taking her out halfway through the year due to some issues with her teacher, who was physically aggressive and verbally inappropriate. This is in no way connected to the school, just some unresolved personal issues, perhaps she has daddy issues, who knows. Anyway, I homeschooled my daughter for the last half of the year, I even had her testing at 1st and 2nd grade levels at the age of 4. Homeschooling, even for half a year, was great and I enjoyed every minute of it- the planning, the collecting activities and lessons, and especially the carrying out of said lessons. As much as I loved it, I knew I could never do that for the rest of my life or with all three kids, so we were back to looking at schools again for the fall.
I finally managed to do some research and found an academy to send her to. She was accepted and will be starting kindergarten there this year. Now let me tell you what's so damn special about an academy now that I know first hand. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Finding and buying uniforms is becoming a pain in my ass, there are no buses so I have to drive her both ways every day, and their website is always down- which wouldn't be a big deal except I can't even know when school starts if I don't go to the website. It turns out that an academy is just as crappy as my school was, just with funny shoes.
Tonight we're having an "Academy Family Event." Yup, we are going to go play on the playground in the rain and eat popsicles. I am thrilled about this, just effin thrilled. It's not that I don't think this is a great idea. The premise is that the kids will be able to meet their classmates and have some time to play and perhaps forge some new friendships. This is a wonderful idea. I just think it could have been postponed since it's been raining for almost 48 hours. Then again, perhaps it was postponed and I just can't go to the website and find that out, this is also plausible. Either way, I am preparing to drag myself and my children to a playground in the rain where we will eat frozen things. Yay.
The moral to the story is one we've all heard a thousand times. The grass is always greener on the other side... be happy with what you've got... or... be careful what you wish for. These all apply to me, but you should find the one that fits your day and then twist this story to be relevant to you.
As I got older and became a mom I sort of pushed that aside, after all there are bigger fish to fry than a stupid childhood fantasy, right? My children attended, or are attending as the case may be, a regular public preschool with no uniforms or fancy classes. Their mainstream education has been a blessing to us and I have watched them grow and change in ways over the years that have literally taken my breath away at some points. We have been lucky to get some amazing teachers who I can't say enough wonderful things about. Especially Miss Valeri, I'd move her in if I could and I'm more excited than words can say to have the baby in her class next fall. She did miraculous things with my son and my youngest is desperately in need of some Miss Val treatment.
However, when my oldest graduated preschool and we started looking into kindergarten I was hit in the face with memories of my "academy kid" dream. We started her in a public kindergarten program because we assumed we could never afford a private school and then we ended up taking her out halfway through the year due to some issues with her teacher, who was physically aggressive and verbally inappropriate. This is in no way connected to the school, just some unresolved personal issues, perhaps she has daddy issues, who knows. Anyway, I homeschooled my daughter for the last half of the year, I even had her testing at 1st and 2nd grade levels at the age of 4. Homeschooling, even for half a year, was great and I enjoyed every minute of it- the planning, the collecting activities and lessons, and especially the carrying out of said lessons. As much as I loved it, I knew I could never do that for the rest of my life or with all three kids, so we were back to looking at schools again for the fall.
I finally managed to do some research and found an academy to send her to. She was accepted and will be starting kindergarten there this year. Now let me tell you what's so damn special about an academy now that I know first hand. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Finding and buying uniforms is becoming a pain in my ass, there are no buses so I have to drive her both ways every day, and their website is always down- which wouldn't be a big deal except I can't even know when school starts if I don't go to the website. It turns out that an academy is just as crappy as my school was, just with funny shoes.
Tonight we're having an "Academy Family Event." Yup, we are going to go play on the playground in the rain and eat popsicles. I am thrilled about this, just effin thrilled. It's not that I don't think this is a great idea. The premise is that the kids will be able to meet their classmates and have some time to play and perhaps forge some new friendships. This is a wonderful idea. I just think it could have been postponed since it's been raining for almost 48 hours. Then again, perhaps it was postponed and I just can't go to the website and find that out, this is also plausible. Either way, I am preparing to drag myself and my children to a playground in the rain where we will eat frozen things. Yay.
The moral to the story is one we've all heard a thousand times. The grass is always greener on the other side... be happy with what you've got... or... be careful what you wish for. These all apply to me, but you should find the one that fits your day and then twist this story to be relevant to you.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Why??
Why are my kids so damn helpless??? This pisses me off to no freakin end! What the fuck?! Do you seriously, at the age of 5, need me to talk you through how to use the bathroom?! Here's how this goes every single time-
Her- "OK, I peed, momma."
Me, from the other room- "Ok...did you wipe?"
Her- "No."
Me- "Well, don't you think you should do that?"
This is followed by a few moments of silence, and then..
Her- "Momma?"
Me- "What?"
Her- "I peed."
Me- "Yeah, I know. Did you wipe yet?"
Her- "No."
This is followed by silence as I dialogue in my head- Stupid m-fing... idiot... ape child.. disgusting...so on and so forth
Me- "Then WIPE!!"
Her- "Ok... I wiped."
Me- "Stand up, put your clothes on, flush, and wash your hands!"
Her- "Ok."
Few moments of silence..
We have to go through this for every step, every single time this girl uses the bathroom. Then she's usually sent back into the bathroom because she didn't use soap to wash her hands. Keep in mind that she's been doing this on her own for 2 FREAKING YEARS!!! I swear to God that someday I'm going to snap and end up saying or doing something to this child that lands me in jail. I cannot understand why on earth her 4 year old brother and 2 year old sister can handle this without fail and she cannot, but it drives me up the friggin wall.
She is also the child who commonly pees on herself. Not when she's sleeping, no, when she's awake and playing. She tells me this is because she'd rather pee on herself than stop playing. Seriously?! Moron! I don't know what the hell to do with her anymore. Here again, her brother and sister have no problem staying dry throughout the day, and her sister started potty training on June 2nd. I don't even know how to explain this- my vocabulary does not cover the depth of idiocy that must be accomplished to make this child act this way. She will be 6 this year and ENJOYS peeing on herself. WHAT THE FUCK!!
On the upside, this is where it becomes handy to have adopted. See, she was 3 when she came to live with us and had not potty trained yet. We started working on that a month later. Not that 3 is late, but our other kids potty trained at 2 with huge success and perhaps the being ready portion of the program is a little genetic and she WAS ready at 2. There are all sorts of studies out there that say if you miss the time frame when your kid is ready for something big, like potty training, you can't get that time back and the end result of trying when it's "too late" will never be flawless. It's very handy for me to just blame this crap on the bio family. I have no idea if it's true or not, but how nice that my kids come with build in scapegoats because quite frankly if I had no one else to blame for her stupidity than her, she would be in a world of hurt. Momma ain't raisin' no dumb kids!!
Thanks for allowing me to vent at you instead of at her.
Her- "OK, I peed, momma."
Me, from the other room- "Ok...did you wipe?"
Her- "No."
Me- "Well, don't you think you should do that?"
This is followed by a few moments of silence, and then..
Her- "Momma?"
Me- "What?"
Her- "I peed."
Me- "Yeah, I know. Did you wipe yet?"
Her- "No."
This is followed by silence as I dialogue in my head- Stupid m-fing... idiot... ape child.. disgusting...so on and so forth
Me- "Then WIPE!!"
Her- "Ok... I wiped."
Me- "Stand up, put your clothes on, flush, and wash your hands!"
Her- "Ok."
Few moments of silence..
We have to go through this for every step, every single time this girl uses the bathroom. Then she's usually sent back into the bathroom because she didn't use soap to wash her hands. Keep in mind that she's been doing this on her own for 2 FREAKING YEARS!!! I swear to God that someday I'm going to snap and end up saying or doing something to this child that lands me in jail. I cannot understand why on earth her 4 year old brother and 2 year old sister can handle this without fail and she cannot, but it drives me up the friggin wall.
She is also the child who commonly pees on herself. Not when she's sleeping, no, when she's awake and playing. She tells me this is because she'd rather pee on herself than stop playing. Seriously?! Moron! I don't know what the hell to do with her anymore. Here again, her brother and sister have no problem staying dry throughout the day, and her sister started potty training on June 2nd. I don't even know how to explain this- my vocabulary does not cover the depth of idiocy that must be accomplished to make this child act this way. She will be 6 this year and ENJOYS peeing on herself. WHAT THE FUCK!!
On the upside, this is where it becomes handy to have adopted. See, she was 3 when she came to live with us and had not potty trained yet. We started working on that a month later. Not that 3 is late, but our other kids potty trained at 2 with huge success and perhaps the being ready portion of the program is a little genetic and she WAS ready at 2. There are all sorts of studies out there that say if you miss the time frame when your kid is ready for something big, like potty training, you can't get that time back and the end result of trying when it's "too late" will never be flawless. It's very handy for me to just blame this crap on the bio family. I have no idea if it's true or not, but how nice that my kids come with build in scapegoats because quite frankly if I had no one else to blame for her stupidity than her, she would be in a world of hurt. Momma ain't raisin' no dumb kids!!
Thanks for allowing me to vent at you instead of at her.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Facebook Announcement!
I have recently started a Facebook for the blog. It's a better place to keep up with me as I am always on Facebook. Be sure to like me there.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Makeshift-Mom/142129939200668
Looking for more reasons to 'like' the Facebook page?
I know how to post pictures on Facebook and I can't figure it out on here.
I'm linked to all my favorite sites so you can like them too.
I get a little more inappropriate on Facebook.
There will be pictures of life around here on there shortly, and you know you wanna see them.
Periodically my hubby will post on there, and don't you want to hear from the man that has to deal with me on a daily basis?
I often post free samples and other cool couponing info.
If that isn't reason enough then I want you to ask yourself, "why am I even reading this in the first place??"
Hope to see you all on Facebook soon!!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Makeshift-Mom/142129939200668
Looking for more reasons to 'like' the Facebook page?
I know how to post pictures on Facebook and I can't figure it out on here.
I'm linked to all my favorite sites so you can like them too.
I get a little more inappropriate on Facebook.
There will be pictures of life around here on there shortly, and you know you wanna see them.
Periodically my hubby will post on there, and don't you want to hear from the man that has to deal with me on a daily basis?
I often post free samples and other cool couponing info.
If that isn't reason enough then I want you to ask yourself, "why am I even reading this in the first place??"
Hope to see you all on Facebook soon!!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The Most Awesome Awesomeness
I have been a slacker lately with all the not posting. Sorry about that. My life has been so freaking awesome that I've just been busy soaking it all in.
Earlier this week we had my son's appointment with his surgeon/specialist to discuss that surgery that was going to keep him from walking for 4-6 weeks, remember that? Well, you'll never guess what happened! My son is fine, he doesn't need any surgery for any reason, and I have zero reason to worry- for now and the foreseeable future. Awesome, huh?! We were so excited. I cried all the way home, which I had planned on doing anyway, but they were real tears of relief and that was a pleasant surprise. The surgeon was upset with the situation and said that the hardest part of his job was writing an appropriate response to the doctor. He also left me with quite a few "words of wisdom" for the stupid man that had sent us there to begin with. You know the scariest part about going to a doctor? 50% of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class. It's a fact. Regardless of that though that day was awesome #1.
Awesome #2 was the huge family party yesterday. In July the entire family gets together for a day of swimming and eating to celebrate six birthdays. It's super fun and the kids love it. As an adult I like to see everyone and catch up, especially since some of them we only see one time a year. As usual my kids seemed to be the center of attention and they ate it up with a spoon. One on one attention is hard to come by in our house and they love it anytime they can get it. For the most part they just stayed in the pool and didn't have much to do with me, but after people started going home my daughters spent some time in the backyard picking flowers for me. Sweet, huh? Yeah, until we discovered that they were removing the flowers from Grandma's garden. Oops!
Awesome #3- I had the house to myself today! I had to set the alarm for 7 am on a Sunday, but it was so worth it. Everyone was gone by 8 am. My hubby came home around 5, but we aren't picking the kids up until tomorrow. I can't even remember the last time I had a day to myself. I enjoyed every second of it, even if it did fly by entirely too fast. I did absolutely nothing except sit on my ass and watch a marathon of Swamp People, which I love. I suppose I did do some laundry, but that doesn't really count as getting things done as it's the only thing, on my daily list of at least 8 things, that I did.
I just thought I'd check in and let you know that I haven't disappeared- I've just been living the high life, which leaves me too busy to talk to you all- my imaginary friends. I have a feeling that life will be back to it's shitty norm soon enough and we will be talking daily again. Until then my friends!
Earlier this week we had my son's appointment with his surgeon/specialist to discuss that surgery that was going to keep him from walking for 4-6 weeks, remember that? Well, you'll never guess what happened! My son is fine, he doesn't need any surgery for any reason, and I have zero reason to worry- for now and the foreseeable future. Awesome, huh?! We were so excited. I cried all the way home, which I had planned on doing anyway, but they were real tears of relief and that was a pleasant surprise. The surgeon was upset with the situation and said that the hardest part of his job was writing an appropriate response to the doctor. He also left me with quite a few "words of wisdom" for the stupid man that had sent us there to begin with. You know the scariest part about going to a doctor? 50% of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class. It's a fact. Regardless of that though that day was awesome #1.
Awesome #2 was the huge family party yesterday. In July the entire family gets together for a day of swimming and eating to celebrate six birthdays. It's super fun and the kids love it. As an adult I like to see everyone and catch up, especially since some of them we only see one time a year. As usual my kids seemed to be the center of attention and they ate it up with a spoon. One on one attention is hard to come by in our house and they love it anytime they can get it. For the most part they just stayed in the pool and didn't have much to do with me, but after people started going home my daughters spent some time in the backyard picking flowers for me. Sweet, huh? Yeah, until we discovered that they were removing the flowers from Grandma's garden. Oops!
Awesome #3- I had the house to myself today! I had to set the alarm for 7 am on a Sunday, but it was so worth it. Everyone was gone by 8 am. My hubby came home around 5, but we aren't picking the kids up until tomorrow. I can't even remember the last time I had a day to myself. I enjoyed every second of it, even if it did fly by entirely too fast. I did absolutely nothing except sit on my ass and watch a marathon of Swamp People, which I love. I suppose I did do some laundry, but that doesn't really count as getting things done as it's the only thing, on my daily list of at least 8 things, that I did.
I just thought I'd check in and let you know that I haven't disappeared- I've just been living the high life, which leaves me too busy to talk to you all- my imaginary friends. I have a feeling that life will be back to it's shitty norm soon enough and we will be talking daily again. Until then my friends!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Stress Free Parenting
Today started TV Boot Camp at our house. This is by far the most amazing thing I've ever come up with as a parent. Originally we had decided on this after months of, "But I neeeeeeed tv!!" whine, whine, whine- and then when we shut the tv off... temper tantrums and crying. Insanity in my home!! I came up with Boot Camp, as retaliation basically, and I have never been happier.
We have changed our daily schedule and it's posted everywhere in our house. For the next 6 weeks, that's how long boot camp is, right?, this is our new schedule:
9:30 am- Breakfast
10:15- 10:30 am- Kids clean up after breakfast- this includes washing the table
10:30- 11 am- Journaling- which they love so this isn't really a punishment
11:00- 11:30 am- independent reading- they also love this
11:30- 12:30 pm- free play- self explanatory
12:30- 1:30 pm- chore time- today my oldest is vacuuming, the boy is cleaning bathrooms, and the baby is scrubbing marker off the wall that she thought belonged there
1:30 pm- lunch
2:15- 2:30- kids clean up again
2:30- 4:30- nap time- my favorite!!
4:30- 5:30pm- free play
5:30- 6:30 pm- chore time again-this one isn't so much chores as it is learning, we're going to learn what it takes to take care of all of our pets, and then we're going to go through the basics of doing laundry
6:30- dinner
7:15- 7:30- you guessed it- they're cleaning up
7:30- 8:00 pm- journaling
8:00- 8:15 pm- group reading- my oldest and I will take turns
8:15- 8:30- brushing teeth, getting on pj's, etc.
8:30- bed time
It's strict, but I think it's fair. I tried to have time for them to do things they love, and also to pay me back for having an attitude with me about the freaking tv for months and months now. If I had known that parenting could be this easy, I would have done this years ago. I knew kids needed a schedule, but it's been so awesome to see how quickly this has changed their attitudes. They're all so easy going, relaxed, and happy. After the punishment/ chore part of this is over, I'm going to revamp it to work for daily use!
We have changed our daily schedule and it's posted everywhere in our house. For the next 6 weeks, that's how long boot camp is, right?, this is our new schedule:
9:30 am- Breakfast
10:15- 10:30 am- Kids clean up after breakfast- this includes washing the table
10:30- 11 am- Journaling- which they love so this isn't really a punishment
11:00- 11:30 am- independent reading- they also love this
11:30- 12:30 pm- free play- self explanatory
12:30- 1:30 pm- chore time- today my oldest is vacuuming, the boy is cleaning bathrooms, and the baby is scrubbing marker off the wall that she thought belonged there
1:30 pm- lunch
2:15- 2:30- kids clean up again
2:30- 4:30- nap time- my favorite!!
4:30- 5:30pm- free play
5:30- 6:30 pm- chore time again-this one isn't so much chores as it is learning, we're going to learn what it takes to take care of all of our pets, and then we're going to go through the basics of doing laundry
6:30- dinner
7:15- 7:30- you guessed it- they're cleaning up
7:30- 8:00 pm- journaling
8:00- 8:15 pm- group reading- my oldest and I will take turns
8:15- 8:30- brushing teeth, getting on pj's, etc.
8:30- bed time
It's strict, but I think it's fair. I tried to have time for them to do things they love, and also to pay me back for having an attitude with me about the freaking tv for months and months now. If I had known that parenting could be this easy, I would have done this years ago. I knew kids needed a schedule, but it's been so awesome to see how quickly this has changed their attitudes. They're all so easy going, relaxed, and happy. After the punishment/ chore part of this is over, I'm going to revamp it to work for daily use!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Today I feel contented. Perfectly at one with everything around me- my husband, my children, my job and my home. I don't often feel like this so I'm going to marinate in it for awhile.
I was driving home from work tonight, an hour drive, when I was all of a sudden blindsided with giggly happiness. Out of nowhere, for no reason. In fact, this week has been a little emotionally tough. I have a cat that I have had since before I even knew my husband existed and he's on his way out. His liver is failing, he stopped eating a month ago, to be honest with you I'm not sure how he's still here. That has been tough on everyone, but it's not the only thing going on around here. On Thursday my son has an appointment with a specialist and a surgeon. We're not going into details, but he's looking at surgery this summer which will leave him unable to walk for 4-6 weeks and might leave him with the need for prescription drugs for the rest of his life. This has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. This is my very first kid/surgery experience and I am NOT handling it like a champ. I'm just completely losing it. I can't focus, I can't function, I just want to sit and cry, not that I've done that at all, I still have to parent and therefore there is little to no time for pity parties. Suffice it to say that this week has sucked and I was floored by the sudden giggling.
I have come to realize in the last few hours how blessed I am, and how thankful I should be. At first glance you might not think I have much to be really thankful for. We live in the "projects", I work one day a week and make no money, my kids are falling apart, my pets are falling apart, but here's the truth of the matter.
I am happy to be in the projects because this is where I'm most needed. This is where I do the most good. I was meant to be here right now. It is right that I am here. It is good that the teenagers take over my porch to the point that even I can't be on it. I'm the only parental influence a lot of them have, not due to drug addicted parents or anything, but their parents are working two jobs, or even more and aren't home a lot, and I know that the kids appreciate the relationship that we've forged in the last two years, even if they sometimes complain about it. I often have knocks on my door throughout the day from them, asking for advice, asking if I'd just sit and listen to them and I am all too happy to do so. Through interaction with my neighbors I have learned that it isn't just worthless welfare moms out here as I had been raised to think, it's families that are struggling and surviving, making the most of what little they have, making happiness and laughter out of nothing but togetherness. Our families are lucky. Lucky to be together, lucky to have people by our side even if things aren't easy and we don't have it all. I was raised in the suburbs in a fairly well off family and all we got from our neighbors was judgement. If our cars weren't upgraded every few years, people talked. If our house wasn't an acceptable color, people talked. I have never once run into that in the projects. In fact, the only thing I've run into here is people wanting to help, to chat, to be the neighbors you see on old time tv shows. More than once a neighbor has said,"You know, I'm an out of work mechanic so if you ever want me to work on your car, you buy the parts and I'll do it." Or, "I'm an unemployed lawn guy, want me to help you with your garden?" No, they aren't asking for anything in return. The greatest thing about the recession has been the flipping of the projects from horribly scary ghetto to nice ex-middle class families who are just having some trouble right now. I'm not saying we don't have the scary people, but the nice ones band together and chase them out pretty quickly. I'm proud to live here with these people and tell their story when everyone else is trying to forget them. It's not the story of an unlucky few, it's the story of all of us and no one should be allowed to sweep the dark parts under the rug, even if it's not the perfect fairy tale we wanted. No true stories ever are.
I am also lucky to have my job, not because I'm working, although that's certainly true, but because of who I interact with there and what I learn. I do TNR, which stands for Trap Neuter Return. It's a program that works with stray and feral cats and their human neighbors. The neighbors will trap the cat, bring it to us, we fix it and make it healthy, and return it to them to put back out. Why do we return it? There are a few reasons, one of which is that cats are territorial- we've all seen this on the Discovery Channel in lions and other big cats. If you take a cat out of it's territory a new cat will take over. The new cat will not be fixed and will then be having litter after litter, making more "nuisance" cats. I'm not sure about every city, but in my city most feral cats are living downtown in the poorest areas, therefore that's who I deal with most often. It is amazing to me how people who have nothing will scrounge up a way to get a cat to us, call and check on that cat, and give that cat a home after it's fixed and healed. They often choose to become volunteers and work with us. I have often heard it said that those with the least give the most, now I know without a doubt that it is true. I'm aware that this is the reason that the rich get richer and the poor stay poor, but in the end I'd rather be poor and generous with great neighbors than be rich and greedy with judgement at every turn.
Another thing that makes me so darn lucky is my husband. He is the most to say the least. He works hard for us, sometimes for 14 hours a day or more, and comes home every night without fail. He doesn't spend his days off golfing or hanging out with friends, he spends them with his kids. He is the best daddy that a kid could ask for. He loves playing with toys, getting dirty and wrestling, he lets them do his hair in princess barrettes and ponytails, paint his nails, and he has never once shied away from changing a diaper, potty training, or cleaning up puke. As a husband he is devoted like no other, dotes on me, cooks and cleans, and is always kind, patient, and understanding. When I first told him I wanted to start a blog he was more than supportive, he even said, yes this is a direct quote from a middle-of-the-day-for-no-reason text, "I'd read it every day, and I wouldn't care what you wrote about. I'm your biggest fan and you know I think everything you do is amazing." Not that we don't fight and argue or do things that leave the other in complete and utter shock, but at the end of the day I know that he'll always be there and he'll always think that I'm the greatest thing that has ever graced this planet. How lucky can a girl get?
When I look at it all that way, there isn't much about my life that isn't incredible and I'm glad that today I was smacked in the face with that revelation. Sometimes we all just need a little reminder. Even when things aren't perfect, they're perfectly how they should be.
I was driving home from work tonight, an hour drive, when I was all of a sudden blindsided with giggly happiness. Out of nowhere, for no reason. In fact, this week has been a little emotionally tough. I have a cat that I have had since before I even knew my husband existed and he's on his way out. His liver is failing, he stopped eating a month ago, to be honest with you I'm not sure how he's still here. That has been tough on everyone, but it's not the only thing going on around here. On Thursday my son has an appointment with a specialist and a surgeon. We're not going into details, but he's looking at surgery this summer which will leave him unable to walk for 4-6 weeks and might leave him with the need for prescription drugs for the rest of his life. This has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. This is my very first kid/surgery experience and I am NOT handling it like a champ. I'm just completely losing it. I can't focus, I can't function, I just want to sit and cry, not that I've done that at all, I still have to parent and therefore there is little to no time for pity parties. Suffice it to say that this week has sucked and I was floored by the sudden giggling.
I have come to realize in the last few hours how blessed I am, and how thankful I should be. At first glance you might not think I have much to be really thankful for. We live in the "projects", I work one day a week and make no money, my kids are falling apart, my pets are falling apart, but here's the truth of the matter.
I am happy to be in the projects because this is where I'm most needed. This is where I do the most good. I was meant to be here right now. It is right that I am here. It is good that the teenagers take over my porch to the point that even I can't be on it. I'm the only parental influence a lot of them have, not due to drug addicted parents or anything, but their parents are working two jobs, or even more and aren't home a lot, and I know that the kids appreciate the relationship that we've forged in the last two years, even if they sometimes complain about it. I often have knocks on my door throughout the day from them, asking for advice, asking if I'd just sit and listen to them and I am all too happy to do so. Through interaction with my neighbors I have learned that it isn't just worthless welfare moms out here as I had been raised to think, it's families that are struggling and surviving, making the most of what little they have, making happiness and laughter out of nothing but togetherness. Our families are lucky. Lucky to be together, lucky to have people by our side even if things aren't easy and we don't have it all. I was raised in the suburbs in a fairly well off family and all we got from our neighbors was judgement. If our cars weren't upgraded every few years, people talked. If our house wasn't an acceptable color, people talked. I have never once run into that in the projects. In fact, the only thing I've run into here is people wanting to help, to chat, to be the neighbors you see on old time tv shows. More than once a neighbor has said,"You know, I'm an out of work mechanic so if you ever want me to work on your car, you buy the parts and I'll do it." Or, "I'm an unemployed lawn guy, want me to help you with your garden?" No, they aren't asking for anything in return. The greatest thing about the recession has been the flipping of the projects from horribly scary ghetto to nice ex-middle class families who are just having some trouble right now. I'm not saying we don't have the scary people, but the nice ones band together and chase them out pretty quickly. I'm proud to live here with these people and tell their story when everyone else is trying to forget them. It's not the story of an unlucky few, it's the story of all of us and no one should be allowed to sweep the dark parts under the rug, even if it's not the perfect fairy tale we wanted. No true stories ever are.
I am also lucky to have my job, not because I'm working, although that's certainly true, but because of who I interact with there and what I learn. I do TNR, which stands for Trap Neuter Return. It's a program that works with stray and feral cats and their human neighbors. The neighbors will trap the cat, bring it to us, we fix it and make it healthy, and return it to them to put back out. Why do we return it? There are a few reasons, one of which is that cats are territorial- we've all seen this on the Discovery Channel in lions and other big cats. If you take a cat out of it's territory a new cat will take over. The new cat will not be fixed and will then be having litter after litter, making more "nuisance" cats. I'm not sure about every city, but in my city most feral cats are living downtown in the poorest areas, therefore that's who I deal with most often. It is amazing to me how people who have nothing will scrounge up a way to get a cat to us, call and check on that cat, and give that cat a home after it's fixed and healed. They often choose to become volunteers and work with us. I have often heard it said that those with the least give the most, now I know without a doubt that it is true. I'm aware that this is the reason that the rich get richer and the poor stay poor, but in the end I'd rather be poor and generous with great neighbors than be rich and greedy with judgement at every turn.
Another thing that makes me so darn lucky is my husband. He is the most to say the least. He works hard for us, sometimes for 14 hours a day or more, and comes home every night without fail. He doesn't spend his days off golfing or hanging out with friends, he spends them with his kids. He is the best daddy that a kid could ask for. He loves playing with toys, getting dirty and wrestling, he lets them do his hair in princess barrettes and ponytails, paint his nails, and he has never once shied away from changing a diaper, potty training, or cleaning up puke. As a husband he is devoted like no other, dotes on me, cooks and cleans, and is always kind, patient, and understanding. When I first told him I wanted to start a blog he was more than supportive, he even said, yes this is a direct quote from a middle-of-the-day-for-no-reason text, "I'd read it every day, and I wouldn't care what you wrote about. I'm your biggest fan and you know I think everything you do is amazing." Not that we don't fight and argue or do things that leave the other in complete and utter shock, but at the end of the day I know that he'll always be there and he'll always think that I'm the greatest thing that has ever graced this planet. How lucky can a girl get?
When I look at it all that way, there isn't much about my life that isn't incredible and I'm glad that today I was smacked in the face with that revelation. Sometimes we all just need a little reminder. Even when things aren't perfect, they're perfectly how they should be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)